Yesterday, a dear friend paid a visit, just to be with me – but she left me with a whole lot of ‘lived’ wisdom. Some of it I would like to share here (some of you may not resonate with this ‘old’ wisdom – please do not attack us here. It is someone’s lived wisdom and is working well for her and many more) :-
1) In marriage, do not make yourself too easily available to your husband. Honour your privacy, your personal space, and your desires – from day one. Make yourself important. More easily available you are, more quickly he will lose interest in you.
2) If the husband goes astray (as would happen sometime or the other), don’t panic; don’t feel worthless; don’t look at his phone; don’t snoop around; don’t stop him; don’t feel victimized; don’t lower your dignity. Just let him know that he is welcome to follow his sanskars according to his upbringing – but you are going nowhere as your sanskars don’t allow it. However, when he comes back (which he will sooner or later), he will not find the very same woman waiting for him. The woman would change with every act of rejection – she would be strengthened. And the man would have to deal with a stronger woman at home.
In the meantime, be house-proud; cook/ serve delicious food; stay well-groomed; take care of the children, if any; and have fun with your girl-friends/ siblings, or by yourself; follow your passion; find ways to become financially independent. You have got the gift of more time for yourself, use it well. Don’t sit and mope. Nothing will be achieved by restraining him/ crying/ snooping around/ extracting promises/ getting depressed/ contemplating suicide/ threatening to leave /or to expose him. All this will only make your man lie to you and find smarter ways to stray. A ‘Kaam-andh’ person (blinded by desire) is unstoppable.
You may advise him to go and live with his current heart-throb, in her home, for 10 days. That itself will be enough to spoil all his romeo-giri.
The less affected you are; the less fun he will have.
Your husband’s straying has nothing to do with your level of desirability – remember that any woman can be desirable to any man, as long as he has not had her.
3) Married women should offer great love and respect to their brother’s wife, because she is the one who will look after the old parents. Do not make the mistake of uprooting your old parents from their home and bringing them to live with you. Remember that your parents will always feel more love for their son and his children than you and your children – be comfortable with it.
Discourage your old parents to bad-mouth your siblings – especially the one they are living with.
4) Young bachelors are so much in demand by rich married women of all denominations that they are losing interest in marriage. They have seen its ugliest face.
Thank you dear friend for spending your precious time with me. Stay blessed!