If someone had told me, as late as in 2006, that I am going to have a turbulent relationship with my mother, I would have laughed aloud and said, “Nah! No way! My mother is my life. I love her more than anyone in this world – other than my own family of course. Go knock at some other door.”
Ah! How life makes us eat our own words!
Sometimes during my teens, I stuck a deep chord with my mother (perhaps I had not had enough of her, having left the home at 14). And later, in my twenties, I willy-nilly became her emotional anchor. And this emotional dependence grew with time. Perhaps I so loved the idea of providing some support to my mother, that I revelled in it. It made me feel important and worthy in my own eyes.
After my father’s death, I took more control of her emotional well-being and in 2005, included her physical well-being too in the package. It was all self-propelled. She didn’t really ask for it. I felt duty bound to give it. I also felt empowered to do it.
And that’s when I came face to face with my core wound. My mother triggered my ‘I am not good enough’ to the fore. Now I know that despite all her bravado, it was her core wound too.
Today, I understand that this Mother Wound runs deep in almost every woman, for it is passed down through generations. It is caused by the pain of being a woman in patriarchal cultures. And it deepens through the wonky coping mechanisms that we employ to process this pain. My mother had used comparison (between all her six issues) and shaming (consistent drilling of something is wrong with you). Some choose to always remain ‘small’, so that they can be loved. And some wallow in a sense of guilt for wanting more than they have. None of these work in the long term; in fact, they deepen the wound and magnify the pain.
Have you encountered your own Mother Wound as yet? Know that it holds the key to your empowerment.