Decoding Ego –
Being from the defence forces, I like to look at my ego-personality as the defence forces of my psyche. I began building up this force, as a protection of the child within me – who felt helpless and powerless in the world of the adults (powers that be).
As a grown up, I have strengthened my defence-forces or sent them packing on leave, depending upon my threat-perception. Whenever I have felt safe, I have let my guard down. Whenever I have felt unsafe, I have called upon the reserves. Whenever there has been an attack (whether perceived or real), I have deployed various defence strategies. And even though I have the capability to strike (deploy the offensive formations) – but like India, I have an inner no-first-strike pact with myself.
When I look at my own ego-personality in this manner, I also look at others’ ego-personalities in a similar manner.
In my real life – as well the online life – I am aware of the impending threats/ transgressions/ attacks upon my sovereignty, and I choose to deploy my forces accordingly. If the attack seems strong and pointed, I defend myself valiantly; at other times, I ignore the noise makers (small players). Like the Chinese, I know my supremacy. I know the strength of my forces, but I don’t need to make a show of it every now and then.
I have learnt that the “posturing” of strength is usually a sign of inner insecurity. The more secure you are, the lesser your posturing.
My ego-personality is needed as long as there is threat in the environment (whether perceived or real). I might as well honour it; just as I honour my country’s defence forces. (Though I also dream of a day when no such forces would be needed in this world; I know that day is not yet upon us.)
As an army girl, I understand that the army’s primary task is maintenance of peace. But it can’t sit peacefully when the peace within its boundaries is disrupted. ?
How do you look at your ego-personality? Is it your friend or your foe? Do you honour it or deride it?