Most boys grow up thinking that they are the most important people on Planet Earth – since that’s the impression being given to them – in subtle and not so subtle ways; but once out there in the world, they come face to face with the rude shock that they are not as grandiose as they have been made to believe by their culture. This creates a trust deficit in their environment.
Men find it easy to be self-centred and to put their needs first; for they see their fathers do that. Wives and mothers resent this habit – and yet, help support it by putting themselves last.
Most boys sense their mother’s resentment/ anger towards their father; and promise themselves never to become such a man (or worse still, that they will take care of their mothers). As a grown up, they often find themselves becoming like the man they detest. (And also resent their mother’s emotional dependence upon them. The wives resent it too. And the mothers resent the wives.) An inability to keep their promise, makes men suffer inwardly; and they close their feeling heart. (The feelings are too painful.)
Most men try to earn respect from the outside (as they find it next to impossible to earn it at home) – by either excelling in their work (thus spending long hours away from home) or becoming people-pleasers (outside of home) or both. Such men love rescuing all the damsels-in-distress, because they want to play the hero (the knight in shining armour), that they believe they are. All this further vitiates the environment at home; creating a victim-perpetrator cycle; and producing passive-aggressive men.
Empowered women, who can take care of home, hearth and business (and also produce children) are a threat to most men, because they can’t fall in line.
Empowered men, who can take care of home, hearth and business (and also sire children) are equally matched to empowered women.
Alas, both are in short supply as of now. And the patriarchy is the root cause of this anomaly.